2k7 vibes: was 6th grade actually ‘hella dope’ or just over effin rated (part 1)

“Damn, 6th grade is fukin sick, I wouldn’t trade this sh*t for the world!”

– Lubinson, 6th grade

Hey guys, Lubinson here. u ever get rly ‘swept up in the college application process’ as a senior at ur prestigious NYC high school (Regis Jesuit New York, if u were curious) and get a lil melancholy b/c u are about to embark on a brand new journey in your life tht signifies your transition to manhood and ur not sure if ur even ready to live on ur own b/c then who will fukin do your laundry or tickle u when ur sad or shit idk? i have never felt this way, b/c i am a quot unquote chill boss and one of the most frequent compliments i get is “dam you would be so good at college, esp. w/ regard to the amount of alcohol they drink there. and also the babes, which fukin love u as noted by how many gfs you have?” (i have 0 currently, but there is a girl on my bus who is very pretty & sometimes looks in my direction so u could round up to 1 if u fukin wanted).

k, so enuff w/ the intro( -Drake, Tuscan Leather), time to get to the meat of this thinkpiece. basically i stumbled into “Sexy Bitch” by David Gueta b/c i was writing my college essay abt this kitchen i worked in this summer and all of my latino friends loved that song along w/ danza kuduro (the rly catchy song u prob have grinded w ecuadorian chix 2) and then i was like “dam akon is rly effing good, why did i think that my musical taste was too REFINED to enjoy some good ass pop music if situation begs it” and basically i pulled up the 2007 billboard top 100 which coincided with 6th grade which was the dopest year of my life cuz i had 2 gfs and i was a semi-bully even tho i was rly fukin fat and was pretty loud. basically, i was like “lets look at every song on the billboard top 100 of 2k7 and determine whether or not it actually was a freaking awesome ass year that was totally better than somber ass 2k13-14 or if ‘the grass is always greener’ then post my findings on vibes on vibes.” got it?

k

LADIES (tht i fukin <3) ND GENTLEMEN, THE BILLBOARD TOP 100 OF 2K7 (starting from the bottom)

100. R Kelly and Usher – Same Girl – yeah so, whether or not u think R Kelly is pretty dope or MORALLY INDEFENSIBLE, in my honest o this is a type of artist that u ‘just can’t rly get’ in 6th grade, thus making him FUKIN IRRELEVANT for this convo. but this song is fire.

99. Snoop Dogg and R Kelly – That’s That– again, if u were out here mobbing in 6th grade to this ciroc boyz/henny swaggin’ anthem, then mayb we are just on total different levels of #based and u truly r next level, but I DON’T THINK NOT LISTENING TO SOME RLY FUKIN SMOOTH & SWAGGIN HIP-HOP/R&B IN 6TH GRADE IS SUCH A TRAVESTY, K? also very dope tho.

NOT A 6TH GRADE ARTIST

NOT A 6TH GRADE ARTIST

98. Finger Eleven – Paralyzer – we have a lot 2 talk abt here, guys. let’s start w/ this band name. k, so I get the concept that ppl don’t usually have 11 fingers, so “finger eleven” is rebellious and ‘outside the box’ as frick. regardless, this name is less grungy and chill then they intended, and kind of sounds just gross af. of equal importance: I’ll admit it, I thought this song was rly good and a definite ‘creep on the shawties in the club’ jam, but in retrospect it just fukin sucks.

97. Hinder – Better Than Me – hinder sounds a lot like tinder. that’s one observation. also hinder is basically exactly like nickelback except w some #SOFTCOREBOOBIES on the album cover, which is lowkey swagged out. this song is more than bad though. it’s fucking horrible. he is not good at singing and the instrumentation sounds like the shit my mom would’ve put behind my chopped and screwed bar mitzvah montage while everyone was out hitting on the sixth grade shawties if i was jewish (i’m not).

soft core boobies

soft core boobies

96. Justin Timberlake – LoveStoned – FINALLY. Timberlake comin in hot with the certified jam. I remembered this song very vividly from 07, because this album in general p much encapsulated all of the 2k7 vibes (MORE ON THIS LATER). this beat is #nextlevel and #peaktimberland, which is especially remarkable in the context of timberlands early 00s takeover. also the interlude on this song is marvelous + honestly brings tears to my eyes. not like flowing tears cuz I’m not a fukin pussy and or major sad boy but most definitely dampens los ojos to the point that my emotions have welled and are resting in the sockets.

95. Crime Mob feat. Lil’ Scrappy – Rock Yo Hips – u know when #relevant writers such as recent genius grant winner karen russell and total pimp chad harbach describe rap music using a very stereotypically trill rapper name, misogynistic lyrics, and the word “bootylicious?” that’s this.

i googled lil scrappy and this is the v rare result

i googled lil scrappy and this is the v rare result

94. Nickelback – Far Away – hahahhaahahah Nickelback is fukin dope. idgaf. like clearly this song is absolute shit along w/ everything they’ve ever done but sometimes swaggin out and makin $$$$ in the face of adversity and haters is more impt than contributing to the cultural landscape with listenable music. plus i’m p sure the lead singer is currently engaged 2 avril lavigne who is an absolute 2k7 legend and punk rock game madonna.

93. Chris Brown feat. T-Pain – Kiss Kiss – whoa. maybe it was just my #SIXTHGRADEPERSPECTIVE but I would’ve bet anything this joint was top 5. fuck chris brown cuz he fukin blows but rly i can’t deny greatness. also, this list’s first tangible evidence of the t-pain 2k7 takeover. 10/10.

92. Ludacris feat. Pharrell – Money Maker – holy shit this song is so important. how is this only 92. if you didn’t take every single line of sixth grade game from this joint u r out yo got damn. luda changed the game with the paradigm-shifting breaststroke line too, fam. right when i was losing faith in 2k7, luda came swaggin thru.

91. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Snow (Hey Oh) – honestly shocked these past 3 tracks only registered slightly higher than a song by a group called crime mob and a nickelback joint, but what tf ever. i’m not gonna relisten to this one but it was ii if i recall. whatever.

90. Rihanna – Shut Up and Drive – p effin sure billboard done goofed and posted this list in reverse order. this song DOMINATED airwaves thru-out 2k7, and thats a fact. when riri’s catalogue has 10+ on the low bangers such as this 1 to compliment her #CORECATALOGUE u can understand y i think she’s so fukin good….

89. Taylor Swift – Teardrops on My Guitar – WOW. revisiting this song makes me think that maybe #peakemotionaltaylor came and left before her meteoritic rise 2 fame. for example her recent material is very dope and she is still a top ten desirable mate in the contiguous united states but few songs make u feel like this one does. really surprised this #SOMBERBANGER only clocked in at 89 but hey.

taylor feeling emotions w/ a guitar

taylor feeling emotions w/ a guitar

88. Bow Wow feat. T-Pain and Johnta Austin – Outta My System – this is a song that allegedly was more impt and relevant than Kiss Kiss // Chris Brown feat. T-Pain in 2k7 and frankly i am calling bs. ya like 20/20 hindsight chris brown is a terrible person and his current tunes are unlistenable but in 2k7 his shittiness was not public knowledge and as such I’m rly freaking surprised we endorsed Bow Wow’s mediocre jams over his. starting to lose faith in 2k7 tbh.

87. 50 Cent feat. Justin Timberlake – Ayo Technology – this song upholds my theory that if u open a song with the line “something special, unforgettable” it will be 1. something special and 2. unforgettable. insofar as I’m concerned the airwaves gave this song far more shine than #87. mayb my perspective of 2k7 was rly skewed bcuz i was in sixth grade and hella chubby and a song as #TECHNOLOGYEROTIC as ago technology clearly is targeting that demographic but whatever. also timberlakes chorus is v good.

86. Lifehouse – First Time – hahahahahhahahahhaha this album cover is fukin ridiculous. didn’t give this song a full listen because the first 45 seconds p much tell you the whole story. i think this song is pretty shitty but every1 is entitled to their own opinion that compels them to enjoy and purchase this song more than the countless bangers ranked under it in the top 100.

like srsly peep this bald dude

seriously peep this bald dude

85. Rihanna feat. Sean Paul – Break It Off – RIHANNA THEORY UPHELD. no1 remembers this song due to her innumerable ant of bangers so just like the career of Sean Paul (rip) this song’s shine has gone by the wayside. i think its pretty good. the beat sounds like one of those sketchy tron-bike games you play at school because its on learn4good.com and as such is not blocked by ur school’s firewall so u sneakily compete w/ ur friends in the middle of computer tech or something effin crazy like that.

84. Baby Bash feat. T-Pain – Cyclone – me n my friends used to play this song in fast forward and they sounded like chipmunks and tbh this song sounds a lot better in that fashion. idk who ‘baby bash’ is but i can assure you he is irrelevant and his voice sounds like he wants to be t-pain but couldn’t afford the iPhone app so he just put a fan in between his mouth and the mic like you did in 3rd fukin grade. cyclones are natural disasters but i’d rather get caught in one of them than listen to this song so i’m skipping it.

83. Gwen Stefani – Wind It Up – drum line. yodeling. timbaland mouth clicks. this song is tite as fuck and is a compelling reason to attempt and spearhead a #GWENSTEFANICOMEBACKSLASHTAKEOVER in 2k14. this song is so multifaceted. 2k7 may have been inundated with sh*tty soft rock but there were also drum-heavy bangers like this that u could really bop to.

82. Pretty Ricky – On The Hotline – i typed in this song on spotify and saw the album cover and giggled for like 7 min. idk i don’t remember this song once in 2k7 but again i wasn’t seducing girls and working my way thru accidental pregnancies on my samsung slvr (poor man’s razor but it could store 75 iTunes songs which was dope af to stunt with in the park) so i can’t deduct points for that. idk

PROOF

PROOF

81. Hellogoodbye – Here (In Your Arms) – yoooo no sus but i rly like this song. not in a ‘would endorse this in front of ppl who have opinions and are discerning abt music’ but in more of a ‘this would have been a dope song to get my first kiss to and shit idk’ way. like structurally a shitty song and all that but so are most of these songs and structurally aren’t we all kinda shitty? idk just food for thought.

80. Young Jeezy feat. R Kelly – Go Getta – vividly remember yellin “young jeezy and ya boy keeeeeelllllzzzz” whenever scoring in basketball the sport (not a frequent occasion). also remember this song being a LOT better than it is. trust in 2k7 at an all time low rn.

79. Paula DeAnda feat. The D.E.Y. – Walk Away (Remember Me) – hahahahhahahahhahah this song hits you hard in the emotions tbh. not gonna google her name but it feels like paula deanda was an american idol lege b/c this is a prototypical american idol semifinalist banger. like remember the winners always released those shitty debut albums (EXCEPTION: KELLY CLARKSON) and those who didn’t win always had one semi-playable song that caught a lot of shine for a lil bit (i.e. elliot yamin, david archuleta, jordin sparks). as i’ve typed this paragraph this song has kind of grown me. also she should’ve just done this song alone because “The D.E.Y.”‘s part is absolutely brutal. hope you’re faring well in 2k13 paula deanda.

78. Unk – 2 Step –  i remember that u knew u were gonna lose in little league when someone on the other team had 2 step as their ringtone which happened a lot and we lost a lot. this song is really fire and i still occasionally listen to the remix with t pain kind of as a tbt but more as a “this is good” type of play. if this song were to be played in my vicinity today i wouldn’t b mad and thats as good of a sign as anything.

unk liking sports

unk liking sports

77. Boys Like Girls – The Great Escape – this song demands a lot of musings. first off this is a terrible band name. 2nd this singer is really not good at all. 3rd this is still a banger of a pop-punk song. i recall that this music video had teens pushing each other around in shopping carts and i thought “wow this is a tite metaphor for consumerism / can’t wait till i’m a teen so i can do this shit w/ my pretty girlfriend” and now i’m p lonely and find solace only in periodically tweeting and blogging. i also recall copping this entire album on iTunes. i spent hella $$$ on iTunes in 6th grade cuz i was reckless af and that was arguably the most self-destructive period of my life idk. anyways verdict is still out on this song and depends entirely if u still want 2 ESCAPE from society/parents/hw/bullies/falling on ur scooter & scraping ur knee or if u have found ur niche in life.

76. Alicia Keys – No One – ok now this is actually an incredible song. i use to feign emotion by listening to this song. how on earth is this only 76. like this isn’t just a ‘market to loud 6th graders’ song this is a genuine ballad. this is adele b4 adele was adele. there are not 75 songs more successful then this unless i am seriously underestimating 2k7 but i don’t think i am. between #77 + #76 yung lubinson considered shedding a lot of #TEARS on his 12 block walk home from middle school but never did cuz he wasn’t a pussy ok!? i still listen to this song.

75. T.I. – Big Shit Poppin’ (Do It) – ahahahhahaha remember when sportscenter continually played this song in their highlight reels. i never listened 2 this song out of that context + frankly don’t plan to bcuz ti has enough bangers to last a lifetime but this is a fond memory imho.

74. Amy Winehouse – Rehab – this is wrong. this isn’t right. coming into this exercise i had rehab being the no. 1 at 5:1 odds and they hit me w/ this bs. first off this song was the only song on the radio for a good 2 months (along with the jay-z remix which was tite af tbh) and should be higher as such. honestly even if this song was really #74 in shine [it def wasn’t] billboard could’ve done the right thing & sneakily bumped it up 70 spots as a kind #RIPAMYWINEHOUSEWELOVEANDMISSYOU gesture. u could end the list right here and have a solid year in music. this song is so good. p livid towards those in 2k7 who did everything they could to block amy’s shine. rip amy.

73. Rich Boy feat. Polow Da Don – Throw Some D’s – quite possibly 1 of the biggest hood rat jams of 2k7. like def not better than rehab or no 1 (BAROMETER 4 THE REST OF LIST TBH) but def a delightful time. everyone rly appreciated this song back in their requisite super mash bros phase because it was used v well and thats the reason i kno the words but those days have come + gone and here we are.

72. J. Holiday – Bed – this song sounds like a parody of a shitty r&b song. this is absolutely brutal. j holiday out here flaunting his falsetto like he’s somethin special. this beat sounds like the noise that it makes when you flip that big jug of poland springs over and let the water glug out for a few seconds. once i slept over at a friends house and i heard his dog throw up and the noise coming from that creature’s gut (the dog has since passed, rip) sounded like the drumline on this song. also the chorus makes this guy sound like a pedophile how did no one not proofread this song. overall 1/10 v poor job.

71. Ciara – Promise – i never heard this song once in all of 2k7 and i listened to z100 (ALL THE LATEST HITS NO COMMERCIALS YA FEEL) p much religiously. this drumline sounds like galaga. i rly like future and as such will give his boo ciara 1 (one) free pass but this song is not even remotely better than rehab/no1 and i’m kinda effin mad, if i’m gonna be real.

70. Kelly Clarkson – Never Again – yo kelly clarkson out here echoing the feelings of every shawty who been dumped ever. good for u kelly. out here flaunting knowing that that good 4 nothing rascal will come back crying 4 u at some point and that ur 2 good for him. however this song is v mediocre. as a cultural tourist of the 2k7 musical landscape I’m hella disgruntled at this point.

69. Pink – Who Knew – fuck pink

68. Ciara – Like A Boy – THIS is the ciara i remember t b f h. this is p much the converse 2 beyonces “if i was a boy” tbh because ciara is out here flexing and stunting on all men who try to play her (like a toy). also her shades on the album cover are dope. that is the extent of my thoughts on this song.

8)

8)

67. Colby Callait – Bubbly – sometimes i lie to myself and pretend i don’t secretly like this song. colby rly just the female jason mraz but in 2k7 thats ok tbh. her voice is pretty i guess and like idk. i just don’t hate this song as much as i pretend i do. i’m fine with its placement frankly.

66. OneRepublic feat. Timbaland – Apologize – this song was/is tight af and was definitely higher on the list. ik i have echoed this sentiment hella times already but its so t.r.u. what am i supposed to do. i bought one republic’s album with the iTunes LP feature and kinda liked fukin sue me. i also heard a one republic song on the radio the other day and thought “good for ryan tedder (i think thats his name I’m not gonna google it ok)” so I’m happy to see they’re still out here grinding.

65. Keisha Cole feat. Lil’ Kim & Missy Elliot – Let It Go – tbh i never listened to r&b in sixth grade and if u didn’t pick that up by now i can’t help you. this song is p smooth. like if biggie were still alive (rip notorious biggie we miss u bub) this is the type of joint he’d hop on the remix for and it would run 97.1 for a lil bit. that’s the extent of my thoughts on this song.

64. Avril Lavigne – Keep Holding On – when i shouted out avril earlier in the b-post (blog post) i was referring to #CONFIDENTJAMS like this one. whenever u don’t wanna hold on anymore just give this record a spin in my opinion. also blunts in the air for eragon the feature film. i never saw it but i remember they cross-promod it with the mlb playoffs the year that the yankees lost to the tigers and i fukin cried a lil bit because i love every single sport more than you do pussy. i also liked the books tbh.

63. Justin Timberlake – SexyBack – if this song wasn’t gonna be number 1 it should have been #69 for the sex number. thats how good and seductive this song is. a few things. 1) i used to chill in my game room (there was a wii and  ps2) and watch mtv every morning [they still played music vids] and this song was always num. 1 and the music vid took place in a club and i just thought damn this is crazy every time i saw it. 2) it wasn’t until approx. 2k12 that i actually heard what tim & tim were saying back and forth in the hook but i still fronted and pretended because this song was/is a jam and if u want to fit in sometimes u just gotta pretend u know the jams k?

62. Beyoncé feat. Shakira – Beautiful Liar – wow bruh this song is tite af as well. the instrumentation is v reminiscent of the sitar or like a snake charmer in an exotic mid eastern country if i had to pin it on one region. there weren’t many situations in the avg 6th grade life that called for this song in the iPod rotash but that doesn’t mean i didn’t have it b. also both of these people are good at dancing so i bet the music video is fun but idk.

VISUALIZATION B

VISUALIZATION B

61. Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars – ok so this song is sus af but we’re all sus sometimes imho. this that type of sound for a budding relationship with that girl you knew your whole life and its not gonna end up working but for like 6 months or so its hella good. this is some eternal sunshine of the spotless mind shit.

60. Plies feat. T-Pain – Shawty – in case you needed more concrete proof of the t-pain takeover. i’ve started playing hip-hop/rap on quiz up and occasionally the 40 point question is abt t-pain’s real name and i remember its muslim af but thats really it. also plies has a fun verse on out here grinding. i didn’t relisten to this song but it’s my think piece and i can do what i want idiot.

59. My Chemical Romance – Welcome to the Black Parade – YO. REMEMBER HOW WE ALL GOT A TINY BIT EMO IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. LIKE DEF IN GOOD TASTE EMO NOT SLITTING WRISTS EMO OR ANY SHIT BUT LIKE SOMETIMES CHILLING IN THE CORNER DURING GYM CLASS TO THINK ABT THE WORLD AND ALL THAT. BASICALLY THIS WAS MY JAM ALONG W/ MISCELLANEOUS FALL OUT BOY MATERIAL DURING THAT PERIOD OF MY LIFE AND THIS STILL BANGS AND NOT ONLY I BUT EVERY ONE OF MY FRIENDS STILL KNOWS EVERY WORD TO THIS SONG AND IT’S NOT EVEN ONE OF THOSE SELF-CONSCIOUS KNOWLEDGE OF LYRICS TYPE THINGS WHERE YOU’RE INSECURE CUZ YOU KNOW EVERY WORD TO ROAR BY KATY PERRY OR SOME SHIT. LIKE I’M PROUD I KNOW ALL THESE WORDS B. I USED TO WALK TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY WITH MY BOYS MATT AND LUKE AND THEIR OLDER SISTER LIZ (SHOUTS OUT TO THEM) AND HER FRIENDS AND EVERY DAY WE WOULD WALK DOWN THIS COBBLESTONE ROAD AND LISTEN TO THIS SONG B. I FUCKS WITH THIS SONG.

58. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony feat. Akon – I Tried – yo i only heard this song once but it was at my boy zach’s house and we were watching vh1 in the basement and i thought yo i fucks with this song but then i never remembered the name so i couldn’t cop it on iTunes (i told u i copped a lot of songs on iTunes) but basically i am v happy to rediscover this jam.

57. Ne-Yo – Because of You – i read the title and i thought it was gonna be the kelly clarkson jam but instead its the ne-yo one so it already loses points. idk its alright but nothing special and not better than most of the songs behind it so eff this song. this is the song that would play on the radio when i was stuck chillin in the hella hot whip while my mom bought an iced coffee at starbucks and it took hella long and all i wanted to do was go the frick HOME. neyo is sus.

neyo:  not kelly clarkson

not kelly clarkson

56. Hurricane Chris – A Bay Bay – that same boy zach who i name checked with the basement earlier used to say “its baby do it. every body say” really frickin well and he’s next to me rn and this song came on and he still can do it so thats tite. also one time some fuck boy posted a rly bad joke about a bay bay that had something to do with someone yelling “a bay bay” in a maternity ward as his aim profile and i really didn’t like it so i’m not gonna let this song run all the way through.

55. The All-American Rejects – It Ends Tonight – YO THIS SONG IS SO TITE AS WELL. I APOLOGIZE FOR FEELING SO PASSIONATE ABOUT POP-PUNK IN 2K7 BUT WHATEVER BRUH. INSOFAR AS MUSIC HAD AN EMOTIONAL IMPACT ON ME IN 2K7 THIS SONG WAS TOP 3. I ALSO STILL KNOW EVERY WORD TO THIS SONG. I USED TO #SOMBERBOP TO THIS SONG IN MY B-ROOM AS I BRUSHED MY TEETH AND WENT TO BED AS IF I HAD ANY REAL PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE BACK THEN. LIKE LEGIT I HAD 2 GIRLFRIENDS THEN I SHOULD’VE BEEN LISTENING TO THE COKE BOYS AND WILDING OUT. WHATEVER THIS SONG IS DOPE.

54. Bow Wow feat. Chris Brown – Shortie Like Mine – ok so i know i slandered bow wow earlier in favor of chris brown (pre-rihanna beating & frank ocean beef) but now they’re on the same joint and it bangs. like if i was the shortie of either chris brown or bow wow at time of recording i would give them my hand r frickin n. maybe this banger is the sole reason ri ri is still semi-fuckin w/ chris brown. idk.

53. Baby Boy Da Prince feat. Lil Boosie – The Way I Live – I currently have $18.78 to my name, have hella college applications to do, and have not texted a girl in approx 1-2 months. regardless when this track comes on the speakers (big jambox by jawbone peasants) my head starts bobbing and i genuinely believe i have something 2 be happy abt in life so in that regard this song is extremely based and very #positive. definite strong pt. of 2k7 right here. also FREE BOOSIE

Lil_Boosie_Free_Boosie-front-large1

52. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus – Face Down – yo i hate this song i vividly remember hating this song. fuk red jumpsuit apparatus & every1 who love em.

51. Lloyd – Get It Shawty – this is a very good music song. lloyd’s voice is #VERYPRETTY and the chorus is constructed in a fashion that is perfect for squeaky-voiced sixth graders to sing while sippin on arnie palmers and eatin sour strings cuz that’s what you do on fridays after bball practice b. very strong choice to outweigh the shittiness of that last song (i’m not retyping that whole name b).

ii so i gotta apply to college + go outside + play gta v because my brother beat it yesterday and i don’t even have 50k in that game so i’m p much hella jealous. tune in soon for a definitive answer abt exactly how based 2k7 was. so far i’d say fairly rare but not as based as i remember. alright thanks.

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